the demons

they apparently got me. i remember being way back in grades 5-12 and never understanding math. SOMETIMES i could follow the steps, and occasionally the answers would turn out. however, i never understood why we were doing anything. i decided for some reason to go back to school. so i sit in a statistics class on tuesday nights from 4-7. in hell.
reason 1: i have no friends in this class b/c if i even take my eyes off of the professor to smile at someone, i'm lost and there's no hope. and when we get a break i run outside to walk around and eat some type of protein b/c i'm so bored that the cold air and food source are all that will get me til 7.
reason 2: my hand is going to get stuck in the shape of pencil holding b/c i write down every word he says, or at least i try to
reason 3: i still don't understand why we do anything we do. i feel like a 5th grader again, when everyone realized, i can't do math.

an epiphany though? i'm not going to fail this class by any means b/c i'm a big nerd. and i do think that i could actually take an algebra class again as a 25 yr old and make an A. i follow directions very well now, unlike back then. i still wouldn't understand the why behind it all, but perhaps i'm beginning to accept that there's no answer to that question. so there.

i have a test in this class on tuesday. today i tried to study. i isolated myself from all civilization and tried to make it all make sense. it doesn't. the stupid book has the answers to the odd questions, right??? i think i need to write a letter b/c number 1, people like me need all the answers to see if we get it or not and number 2, why can't they also provide a little explanation as to how they figured out the answers. that would help. am i seeming desperate? i'm exaggerating, sure! but in my most honest voice, i really do feel like i'm in high school again, hoping that the test questions will have some semblance of anything i do know how to do so far. arg.




In other news...
the cantaloupe posted pics of her new house. i finally got some pics of MY new house and she has motivated me to show off my new residence too. we haven't moved yet, but are at T-2 weeks. yay. congrats to ALL the new home owners!! i'll put some more pics up later!