Dear Food-Making Company,

I realize this salutation sounds stupid, but at the moment I can't think of the right word. Food Industry? Food Corporation? Either way, my audience is the companies that make food that is sold in grocery stores. Not the farmers, but the industry of food makers. That sounds good. Now, you know who I'm talking to.

Here's what I want. I want there to be some type of food that actually tastes good that does not have ALL of the following: partially hydrogenated oil of any kind, high fructose corn syrup, trans fat, cholesterol, saturated fat, a ridiculous amount of calories, enriched flours, and even the random dust/trash/allergens that I'm going to assume build up on all those conveyor belts carrying my pudding cups, jars of peanut butter, and bags of goldfish to the truck headed for the store. What I want is a pudding cup that has about 60 calories and NONE of that other junk. It can have fat even, but really please nothing with the word hydrogenated or high fructose in front of it. Please. Thanks.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how I have to wear a bathing suit in front of people in about 8 weeks. Though I look just like I did last year, I just feel compelled to mentally prepare. So...I've been going to spinning classes in addition to the regular running/weight lifting, eating carrots, and not eating fries. I miss fries. I've also halted all cupcake baking (though I have to make some for a birthday this weekend and will have to dig deep to resist. ugh in advance.) SO to curb my post-dinner sweet tooth, my latest concoction has been a pudding cup (dark chocolate preferably) and a blob (or 3) of fat free cool whip. Stir that up and you can just about fool yourself into thinking you are eating pie out of a coffee cup. I don't know why I have to eat this out of a coffee cup, but I do. Well...this has been a sort of okay sweet-tooth fix (I mean, it's not ice cream or a Milky Way, right?) until tonight. At the store today, I got more pudding cups and cool whip so I'd be armed for the week. I just took a look at the ingredients on both and almost cried. The cool whip, fat free or full fat, is just not good. BOTH H-words are on the list. Hydrogenated AND High Fructose. OMG. SOB! The pudding is more bearable with only Hydrogenated. But still, this is a little tragic. Now I'm back to not having a fix for my after-dinner need for fake pie. Arg. What am I going to do?

I know there are other options--actually eating a piece of real dark chocolate (duh) or maybe plain jello or maybe a piece of fruit. But see, here's what's up with that. I eat fruit all day and veggies. I actually meet the fruit/vegetable/grain requirements for the day. If I was on a V8 commercial, there'd be a 10 over my head. ALL I want is something that tastes like it's bad for me (like PIE), but it can't actually be bad for me (aka FAKE pie). Is that too much to ask? Can someone invent that for me, please?