Good Morning!

This morning did not start as expected. On the agenda today was "clean the house," like as in scrub it. I planned on starting that task after a few cups of coffee and the Today Show. Instead, I woke up at 7:00 to Will standing over me, poking my arm. I thought there was an emergency and jolted up. The first thing I heard him say was, "There's an animal." I think he kept talking, but my mind stopped with animal. I immediately pictured an animal loose in our house. Remember when this happened? My response was no words just a look of panic. Then, he continued, "trapped in the chimney. I need you to help me get it out." More looks of panic as I sat in bed picturing the impending attack of an animal. I find it hilarious that I can go from completely asleep to panic-stricken frenzy in about 15 seconds. Granted, the frenzy was just inside my mind as I still had not actually gotten out of bed or spoken at all. Will said, "Now, just stay here and think about that for a few minutes. Then, come downstairs and help me." And he was gone. He knows me too well. Of course, I would need to lie back down and think about the animal in the chimney before I could be of any help. So I did. I eventually did make it downstairs, put his running shoes on (because mine were upstairs) and tucked my pj pants into them just in case the animal tried to escape up them or get tangled in them or in case they somehow slowed me down from running out the door when the animal chased me. Never mind the fact that I was wearing Will's shoes which are too big. Yea, never mind that.

He told me to keep the animal out of the kitchen which meant I got to stand on the steps that lead up to the kitchen from the den. This was good. I grabbed a blanket off the couch. Will said that was a good idea. I could use it to shoo the animal out the back door. Little did he know that my plan was not to use the blanket as any type of tool other than the kind that I cover my head with when a soot-covered animal was released from the chimney and having a heyday in my den. "What if it's a vulture?" I asked, and then was informed that we'd have a mess because there would be soot marks all over if it was actually a vulture. PLEASE be a squirrel. Have you ever wished that you had a squirrel in your house? Me neither. Until today.

Will released the flue, I cringed, and then nothing. Um, really? He got a flashlight and seriously stuck his head up in the fireplace. He did say that he hoped whatever was in there wasn't rabid, as it would probably be falling on his face. Nice, right? I was still standing there with my blanket. He couldn't see anything though. He closed the flue back, and now we have an animal in our chimney. I'm thinking we'll just listen to it until it escapes out the top which is unlikely or falls down to the point that we can recreate this scene with an actual outcome.

Updates to come.

This absurdity was followed by me going to the kitchen to get coffee, opening the cabinet to get a cup, and having a cockroach (lovingly named a palmetto bug) fly in my face. Ohmygod really? So I screamed the scream I'd been mustering up since I was standing with my blanket waiting on some animal to run at me from the chimney. Where was my blanket now!!?? (**disclaimer: I get my house blasted with chemicals (gross) routinely to deal with the fact that I live in a place where palmetto bugs are part of our population. Even though I'm actually diligent about this, there are still moments when one finds a way in. Don't judge me.)