Mercur-ious

Ever thought that the news is just the breeding ground for bad ideas? The other day I was thinking this, and then this morning I became even more convinced. It just seems like if people do horrendous things and then make the news, the horrendous idea has gotten out to the masses, in turn leading to more people committing the same horrendous acts. In trying to rationalize with myself I thought that maybe people don't commit the same crimes they hear on the news simply because more people, such as law enforcement, will be more aware and therefore more inclined to suspect criminal behavior because of the news. However, I don't think this theory reigns true either. In fact, I think that if people paid attention to the news they could get ideas for some pretty extreme acts. Not that this is a good thing. For example, at a school in Washington, DC, some kids spilled mercury by breaking thermometers. As a result, school has been closed for over a week. Mercury is bad news, everyone knows. When it spills onto the floor, it breaks up into miniscule beads that can't be seen at all and then breaks into even smaller airborne particles. This is dangerous, right? This school in DC had to bring in special vacuums and whatnot to deal with the problem. They quoted some kids on the story as saying they thought it was funny, which doesn't surprise me in the slightest, but does confirm some other thoughts about my career choice and how I could rapidly change my plan and go flip burgers or drive a truck. This also made me think of the time that we got out of high school because of rain. Someone said the rain could become ice, so we all went home. It just rained. You remember this people! See, that was funny. Mercury divided into a million beads that are everywhere in the cracks and crevices of old tiled floors isn't. Back to the thing about the news--I heard this report on NPR. I don't necessarily know any kids who listen to NPR, and even know a few adults who think NPR stands for No Penguin Reproducing allowed or something, when it in fact stands for National Public Radio. So probably kids aren't going to hear the story, but, hypothetically speaking, I can see a few of my own students hearing about this incident in DC and then running all over, raiding everyone's house, neighbors, grandma's, and the like, then coming into school with a bookbag full of thermometers and just dropping them one by one until they all break. That's a bleak image I guess, and not all kids would do that, but there are definitely some who would think it was just a brilliant plan. Mercury is amazingly harmful in scope. Apparently the amount in one thermometer can contaminate a 20-acre lake. While I was sitting at the 30-minute 4 way stop near school listening to this mercury story and feeling doomed by the amount of stuff in the cracks of my classroom floor, I looked up to see that there was a car in front of me, a Mercury Topaz. That did make me laugh; it truly is everywhere.

Almost over

The racing weekend has almost come to a close. We happily survived yesterday's event in Greenville. It was fun, but I must say something about the event just in case any one who helped organize and plan happens to read.

1. The race people should have put up a big sign that said START much like they put up one that said FINISH. We all crowded into the street which was fun b/c I can't say I've ever stood in the middle of Main Street in Greenville. Prior to the start, however, they made all of us back up and get all squished up in a little jam, which was somewhat dumb. There were only 665 people running and I think they wanted us to feel like we were at a very bigdeal kind of event. Nope, I won't be fooled.
2. They should have fired a gun for the start b/c I happened to be bent over touching my toes when I heard someone up above me say, "Oh it looks like we're starting." So I stand up real quick, blood rushing back out of my head and just start running. Somewhat my fault, but how about firing a blank next time guys??
3. There were 4 porta-potties (sp?) at the finish of the race, which was approximately 4-5 blocks below the start line. Umm, what??? Everyone knows that people want that last pit stop before you start. We luckily found a construction crew's potty on the corner of a side street and proceeded to use it a couple of times.


OK I guess that's all of my complaints. Other than that it all went very smoothly, and the dorky Pecknel guy playing music even played the theme from Chariots of Fire so we were all very emotional and inspired on the last downhill. Rob I think might have shed a tear, my sis laughed out loud, and I was trying to figure out if I should go to the left or the right of this really bulky guy in front of me. I finally decided on the right. At the finish they had an array of all the appropriate snacks and waaa-lah! we were done. It was a fancy good time. However, there was one hill that we had to climb, which I approached with a "Rob, look. Oh shit!" But we made it so yay for us! In a post-race conversation, we did resign ourselves to admitting that perhaps we need to find a more challenging 5k course for a usual, routine runs. We basically need to find the steepest hill in Cola and work that in to every run or else we're never going to make it up the Cooper River Bridge. Hey, we have goals!

And we're off for 5k #2 in a few hours to be followed by huge hamburgers at Rockaways. MMMMM!

Downhill Slope

Does anyone know how to buy a 5 pound chicken? It's got to be the kind that you can put stuff inside to season is while it cooks. How do I not know important information like this? I should know how to buy a chicken. I don't want it to be frozen though because that would involve planning with the whole thawing out time zone. I have no clue. I could call my mom or I could try to figure this out, but how annoying. Ever feel like that? Where you just want to kick yourself in the pants and say Be Brave, Walk into the Publix and figure it out. I feel like that in the gym too. I know how to lift weights. I know all the proper rules of how to hold things and whether or not to sit backwards or forwards. I even know which muscle groups to work out when, but still I go in the stupid gym and am somehow attached to the leg machines. I have got to break myself of this habit. Perhaps it's because the gym is full of huge meaty guys. You know how in the pool when you were little there was the dreaded adult swim? I think there should be women-only hours in the gym so that no one stares and you can be brave and use the free weights. I could just join a women's gym, but I'd hate that I think. Oh the problems of this world are huge. The reality of the situation is just that I signed a year contract and so have to continue at this gym. It's 5 minutes from school, that's what I used to talk myself into it. And now it's a little annoying. There's even a student or two who show up occasionally. Yea that's awkward because they're 14 and pretty much everything is awkward and that junction in life, especially when it involved speaking to their teachers who happen to be wearing running shorts rather than the usual teacher garb (aka black pants, grey pants, blue pants, pick a color of the rainbow pants.)

hello?

A lady just called my house and I answered and she said, "Oh I'm sorry I have the wrong number."
"OK" I reply and hang up.
Then the phone rings again, and I answer, "Hello?" just knowing it will be the same woman. This happens occassionally.
"Uh, hi," in a slightly different voice trying to sound very much like a different person, "Is this the upper cut?"
"Nope, it's not" I say and she is very confused, sputtering out some "Uh's" and an unsatisfied "OK," before hanging up. Someone wrote the number for the Upper Cut down wrong. So now I want to know what the Upper Cut is--a workout place a haircut place? I'm picturing biceps and bob do's. In this situation there's always Yellowpages.com. So I give it a go. Well I determine that the name Upper Cut is popular and there are a couple hair places in Simpsonville and Taylors. But in Lugoff on Raspberry Ct. there's an Upper Cut and it just says Upper Cut, no indication of the type of business. Bet that's the one they meant. None of the phone numbers are even close though. Interesting.

It's the day we honor presidents. I work for the gov't so yep this is how I'm filling my day. Hooray.

and the weeds are choking on the sun

Today I feel like an empty grocery store on a Saturday. It's parent conference day. It's almost 5 PM. So far no moms or dads have shown up. So, here I sit, in my little classroom playing on the computer, avoiding this ridiculous stack of papers that I should be grading. Poor kids, I'm such a slacker about grading. I keep saying, "Maybe tomorrow I'll have them done. Sorry, I havent had time blah blah blah." Today we were reading Romeo and Juliet and there's the part about the "quivering thighs and adjacent regions." We were reading the play aloud, taking turns being different characters and some kid reads about the thighs and I start laughing because it's funny right? They look up at me like I'M CRAZY for laughing. See, they don 't get it. So then I have to explain. Those of you who know me can picture this one. "OK guys, the thighs, see, they're quivering and then there's the regions adjacent to the thighs, and well I guess they're quivering too." At this point, a couple of them are giggling, but there's still the ones who have a look of complete confusion. It's hilarious. Then a kid was reading and pronounced "whore" as "war." That too made me laugh. I think he changed the pronunciation just to be polite. Such effort!

So there!

I'm back. I've stayed away for a few. Blog started getting harder. I don't have anything to say usually...why bore people with the mundane you know? I keep waiting for a moment that says, "Blog Me!" I've had none, which really just means that the past week has been calm. I was sick for a couple days. There's the excitement.



So to the mundane.



It's 8:10 in the AM and I'm still at mi casa drinking my 2nd cup of coffee, which is exciting I tell you. Normally, there are already 30 little monsters in my day at this point as I am usually just drinking my first and only cup of coffee from a travel cup that doesn't keep it warm for very long. I usually get sidetracked and end up with half a mug of cold coffee. gross. AND then the mug is metal so there's no nuking that one. So I dump it out.



However, today is a whole new experience. I got up at 7 and watched the Today show. Then I started getting ready and I still have a good 45 minutes to kill before I have to leave. I'm going to a conference today where I'll learn more about how to be an educator perhaps. It's all about English I...mmmm! It will probably be a lot of what I've already heard, but hopefully there will be some little pearl of wisdom. We'll see. I'm just hoping I get some free books. Everyone! Do a little Kris-gets-books prayer. Thanks.

Which came first, the music or the misery?

Name that movie.



Yesterday, I was dramatically marooned in my little house, forcefully situated by the treacherous ice on the walk out front and that deathly "black" ice that can jeer at you from below before sending your car in a spinning crash from the road into the bushes alongside in the ditch. And so it is...I watched a lot of TV and read a lot of this book, The Kite Runner. Good read though I feel it's lasting a long time; perhaps the wanted effect. I have a pile of boring quizzes to grade. I avoid them like the plague. There's a cliche perfectly on mark to describe how I feel about them. Maybe tomorrow I'll get to them. Maybe and perhaps.



Last night with Miss Parker, I brainstormed t-shirt ideas. She's good at making t-shirts. I like trying to think of things to put on them, and I have to say I'm proud of our efforts. We're coming up with a new CSI: Crime Scene Investigators series. CSI Alabama. In fact, to be a little more specific, Tagulu, AL. A real city, you ask? Of course it is a real city in the enigmatic minds of Parker and myself.



***Coming soon to a television near you: CSI: Tagulu, Alabama.***



It will be great. I'm trying to think of what the lighting effect for this spinoff should be. Which came first CSI Miami or NY? Because if you line those two up for a thoughtful comparison/contrast, you'll see that the NY show is very dark and gloomy, whereas the Miami flick is bright and sunny at all times. I beg to differ. I've been to both geographic locations and I have indeed found a glint of the hot stuff from above shining down in NYC, and in fact have seen a gloom-filled cloud pass by in Miami, or was that Orlando? Either way, what is the appropriate lighting for Alabama? If it was Oklahoma, perhaps there would always be a lurking tornado. But Alabama? If it were South Carolina, everyone would be damp from the humidity. Can't you see them now in their cool suits and perfectly fitting slacks, all a little drippy with flat or frizzy hair because of the incessant moisture that hangs around here. I love it. Alabama? Not sure, but I'm thinking. I'll figure this out yet.



The other t-shirt idea has to do with Lance Armstrong and his lovely bracelet fashion statement. While looking at Runner's World last night, I noticed Paula Radcliffe, famous marathoner who couldn't finish the 26 miles in Athens for the Olympics, but did redeem herself at the NYC Marathon. There's a great photo of her at the finish where she beat out a Kenyan favorite on the last 4oo. She's wearing her little runner outfit and there is Lance on her wrist. In this case, "What Would Lance Do?" Why, of course he would stay right with that Kenyan woman right up until the last little second, and then gracefully pull away to beat her in the end! And then, as the photo shows, he would hug the Kenyan woman. He would, and so Paula R. followed in his footsteps. I will not take credit for the What Would Lance Do? joke (the credit is owed elsewhere), but man do I love that one. Perfect. And I hope that Miss Parker will follow through by putting that on a shirt.



Version 1: Across the chest, WWLD? Across the back, Sheryl.



Version 2: Across the chest, WWLD? Across the back, Livestrong.



Personally, I'm all about version 1. If anyone copies this and makes a t-shirt and then makes 1000's or even a mere 5 bucks, I want a cut, perhaps just 10%, but you owe me.