Which came first, the music or the misery?

Name that movie.



Yesterday, I was dramatically marooned in my little house, forcefully situated by the treacherous ice on the walk out front and that deathly "black" ice that can jeer at you from below before sending your car in a spinning crash from the road into the bushes alongside in the ditch. And so it is...I watched a lot of TV and read a lot of this book, The Kite Runner. Good read though I feel it's lasting a long time; perhaps the wanted effect. I have a pile of boring quizzes to grade. I avoid them like the plague. There's a cliche perfectly on mark to describe how I feel about them. Maybe tomorrow I'll get to them. Maybe and perhaps.



Last night with Miss Parker, I brainstormed t-shirt ideas. She's good at making t-shirts. I like trying to think of things to put on them, and I have to say I'm proud of our efforts. We're coming up with a new CSI: Crime Scene Investigators series. CSI Alabama. In fact, to be a little more specific, Tagulu, AL. A real city, you ask? Of course it is a real city in the enigmatic minds of Parker and myself.



***Coming soon to a television near you: CSI: Tagulu, Alabama.***



It will be great. I'm trying to think of what the lighting effect for this spinoff should be. Which came first CSI Miami or NY? Because if you line those two up for a thoughtful comparison/contrast, you'll see that the NY show is very dark and gloomy, whereas the Miami flick is bright and sunny at all times. I beg to differ. I've been to both geographic locations and I have indeed found a glint of the hot stuff from above shining down in NYC, and in fact have seen a gloom-filled cloud pass by in Miami, or was that Orlando? Either way, what is the appropriate lighting for Alabama? If it was Oklahoma, perhaps there would always be a lurking tornado. But Alabama? If it were South Carolina, everyone would be damp from the humidity. Can't you see them now in their cool suits and perfectly fitting slacks, all a little drippy with flat or frizzy hair because of the incessant moisture that hangs around here. I love it. Alabama? Not sure, but I'm thinking. I'll figure this out yet.



The other t-shirt idea has to do with Lance Armstrong and his lovely bracelet fashion statement. While looking at Runner's World last night, I noticed Paula Radcliffe, famous marathoner who couldn't finish the 26 miles in Athens for the Olympics, but did redeem herself at the NYC Marathon. There's a great photo of her at the finish where she beat out a Kenyan favorite on the last 4oo. She's wearing her little runner outfit and there is Lance on her wrist. In this case, "What Would Lance Do?" Why, of course he would stay right with that Kenyan woman right up until the last little second, and then gracefully pull away to beat her in the end! And then, as the photo shows, he would hug the Kenyan woman. He would, and so Paula R. followed in his footsteps. I will not take credit for the What Would Lance Do? joke (the credit is owed elsewhere), but man do I love that one. Perfect. And I hope that Miss Parker will follow through by putting that on a shirt.



Version 1: Across the chest, WWLD? Across the back, Sheryl.



Version 2: Across the chest, WWLD? Across the back, Livestrong.



Personally, I'm all about version 1. If anyone copies this and makes a t-shirt and then makes 1000's or even a mere 5 bucks, I want a cut, perhaps just 10%, but you owe me.

Shingles

Last night while at Winn Dixie, the checkout lady smushed my tortillas. You know how they normally let the belt run and it magically stops before your food runs up over the scanner contraption. Well, this lady leaves the basket from the guy in front of me on the belt with the thing running, so I look up and his basket is tumbling back across my food and my tortillas were completely folded in half. I was alarmed. Then, the lady is talking to the guy about having a bad day or something and I hear her say, "That's an unusualality," possibly insinuating that such a word is real. Did she mean an "unusual actuality" or what?



Yesterday, I woke up 10 minutes before the alarm went off. I had a nightmare that I had to throw a car battery off the side of Lake Murray, which was huge swimming pool. Before swimming you had to throw this battery in the water with a rope tied to it. Then you were attached to it, and you jumped in after the battery and had to swim back up with this thing tied to you. I woke up thinking I was drowning to find that my head was underneath my pillow. That explains it.

www.blogget.com

What if blogger was called Blogget. I think I would like that.



I have absolutely nothing overly interesting going on. I went to sleep at 9:30 last night. That's it, that's all I've got. I feel great today as a result. Ummm, yep. That's it.

John Kerry Spotting in Spandex

Rob and I got up early for a bit of a dress rehearsal for next weekend's 5k. I'd say there was a bit of a good omen--I pulled up in front of Blatt PE Center and there was another guy out stretching before he ran. He was wearing a tshirt with the logo of next week's race. So I'm thinking it was a sign that Rob and I WON'T pass out mid-race, but actually might make it. :) We run over in Shandon (if you're not from the area, it looks like a neighborhood that could fall out of an issue of Southern Living or something). There's a guy we see every couple nights who rides his bike. He wears jeans and a grey sweatshirt, and he looks like John Kerry. Yesterday morning we're running, and we're at the point now where we don't talk much while we run, savoring our own O2 for ourselves. We pass another guy out running. He was wearing spandex and such. Rob says, "Was that John Kerry?" And I immediately replied, with a dramatic, "No! Kerry doesn't wear spandex." Now this might not be so amusing to others, but for some reason for me it's that silly humor. I of course was picturing THE John Kerry in spandex. I hear in real life, he rides a bike for exercise.

need a little cool whip, please

"If heaven were pie, it would be cherry." I heard that in a song this morning. Why not peach or apple? Why will heaven be like cherry pie? Why? I just don't understand music sometimes.



I tutored 6th graders today. They have really high-pitched voices and it makes me laugh. It's so easy to be "cool" to them too. While they did their homework, I let them listen to a CD that one kid who literally is only about 3.5 feet tall brought. That silly Redneck Woman song came on. I was pretending not to laugh at all of them mindlessly singing along while they did their dumb word search (WORD SEARCH, COME ON!!!) by grading papers. When she sings, blah blah blah "HELL YEA!" they mumbled it b/c they thought I might care. Then, there's the line blah blah blah damn blah blah something. I didn't look up, just kept grading then they were having one of those conversations as if I wasn't right there in the room with them. "She doesn't hear what it said." "No No, damn is in the Bible, so it's OK. She knows it OK." I just kept my head down low enough so they couldn't see the grin. They're so silly...and the squeaky mouse voices kill me.



The little 3.5 foot kid did the incredible today. I took them out to the rec field for a break and triple dog dared them to run around the field 3 times without stopping. I did it all b/c one kid really needs to get off the bench and run around b/c she eats too many Cheetos, and one kid was hyper so I wanted him to be all tuckered out. Well little 3.5 foot kid puts down his skittles and takes off running. He comes by me twice and on the third time rolls in on a nice solid finish. I was impressed. Cheeto kid sat on the bench, with an excuse of, "My mom doesn't want me to mess up my boots," which means "I'd die if I moved faster than a slug" and the hyper kid made it 3/4 of a lap before tripping, falling into a fence, and swallowing a bug. He wanted candy as a reward for the bug. He told me tarantulas taste good; they're meaty. Who knew?

if my life were full of saturdays

This morning on Sunday Morning, which is my favorite show of the weekend, the host Charles Osgood was announcing the upcoming stories before a commercial break. He mentioned Martin Luther King, Jr. and a story about shoe making, then with a complete shift of voice from scholarly to condescending he said, "And Bill Geist scours Chatanooga, TN." Geist is the man of the show who goes out on a limb. Today he's touring a tow truck museum. In the past, he's shown interesting hotels, actually taping himself spending the night in an igloo hotel. He slept on a huge block of ice. How could Charles Osgood speak condescendingly of a guy like that, a guy who challenges the tight journalistic world? The audacity!



mmmmhmmm.





Last night, I went to the noble barn and didn't buy books, but just bought 3 magazines. Felt a short twinge of guilt. Magazines are just so noncommital that they're perfect reading for a busy person. I kind of wish I had gotten a journalism degree. That way I could try to be a magazine editor or something similar. It's something about the slick pages. I want to be the person who arranges people or objects or whatever in the pictures they take to put in the magazines. You know when there's an article on the 10 best watches for your money or the 10 best kitchen gadgets...well there's a person whose job is just to arrange the stuff against a colorful background or on a neat looking table. The props coordinator?? I want to be that person. I want to get to wear jeans or corduroys to work everyday. I never want to wear grown up shoes. I want to not wash my hair in the morning if I don't feel like it. Is that specific to a props coordinator, or do I just have qualms about my current life situation??? hmmm....and so it is.



Today I'm going to try to drive past the 5k mark and go on up to 4 miles. Think it will happen or will we just settle with an easy 2?? The decisions that have to be made on a Sunday...good stuff.

Cinnamon

Toast in a variety of flavors: peanut butter, jam of all flavors, cinnamon and sugar, cheese, cream cheese, egg? Mmmmm! Give me a slice or 6 and one of those sizzling plates of fajitas. That's the current Kris Crave-o-meter.



This morning I was behind a dump truck, and on the radio, Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train" starts playing. WHAT!? I think to myself, how lucky am I? Remember that song? I bought the single cassette tape at Walmart when I was in 7th grade I think. Remember the single section in Walmart's electronic section? It was complete splendor, cassettes with 2 or 3 songs on it for like $2.



I read 45 pages aloud today at school. Would anyone like a short monologue from Among the Hidden or Chinese Cinderella. I can provide one. Also, who surrendered at Appomattox?



Today driving home from running on Frink Street, I thought I saw a small child off the right of the road in the ditch/woods wearing a white coat and an orange toboggan. I looked; it was just a fire hydrant. I thought it even had little arms.



Then, I ran over the garbage can top. Rubbermaid doesn't break.

Elbow Patches

Has anyone else ever noticed that there's a cigarette lighter in the car? Does anyone ever use the cigarette lighter to light a cigarette. Most people who smoke in the car use regular lighters right? I've never seen this. Today I was plugging something else into my cigarette lighter and I noticed how silly the lighter looks in the car. It's like a little power source in the car. How nifty!? Who decided to put the cigarette lighter in the car, really? Does anyone know?





I just ran a 5k. I'm happy. I didn't die; almost tripped once, but didn't die.

Slippery Intuition

On the way to work today I heard a commercial that might have just been heard in my alternaworld. It was a Sonic commercial with those 2 guys who get all the different slushie flavors and such. Well this morning, these 2 guys were talking about breakfast burritos, and one of them said, "They say that a burrito is the best way to start the day" or something like that. And then the other guy says, "Oh I don't listen to they, I only listen to them. Them says you should eat at Sonic." And there's some other verbal judo about the they versus them. OK now the reason this was such a fantastic happening is because ONE, I laughed out loud and had to put the coffee down for fear of spilling and TWO, yesterday I was attacked by the "Hypothetical THEY," an evil cousin to the "Royal WE." (Aside: In high school, our librarian used to often say things like, "We don't put our feet on the couch." or "We don't talk as loudly as you're talking in the library." That librarian probably also uses the hypothetical they.)



Back to my story, here's why the THEY ever even happened yesterday. OK see I went at it on my computer at school messing with our grading program b/c a bunch of my kids have moved away so I just started deleting them, but then needed to re-export grades and blah blah blah. None the less, the fact that I used my brain and my finger and mouse to click around on this dumb grading program was shocking!! and also caused a problem. (Aside: My uncle is a teacher again after a lot of years not teaching. The stock market dropped or crashed a couple years back, so he's back in the classroom. Every time I see him, he says, "So do you do grades on the computer? I say, "Yes." He says, "We do too." That's the conversation; we've had this talk word for word 4 times already.)



Back to my story, in a bit of an Ooops! I screwed up moment, I sought the help of a fearless leader just for advice on the situation I got myself into, and she said, "THEEEEEY say never to change anything on IGPRO. They say not to change anyone's status. They say they'll do it for us." WHO???? Who will do this and when and geeeez I thought I'd lose it. My fearless leader wanted me to become uptight, much like she is, but oh no; I'm far too laid back, even for a red head. SO! This morning when the Sonic guys start talking about listen to THEM not THEY, I just knew it was going to be a most excellent day, and it was.





What's the difference in swiss and suisse??? That's what I want to know.

all dressed up no place to go

Today I was behind a dump truck that actually had a load. 40 logs or trees without the greenery. I counted as I sat at the 4 way stop. Oh the joy.



I'd planned on getting to work super early today, but that never works out. I woke up finally after hitting snooze about 15 times, and thinking that I could sleep all day b/c I had no obligations. At 6:13 reality struck and I leapt from beneath the covers and rushed around. I planned well last night preparing the necessary means of survival for the day: protein smoothie, turkey sandwich, yogurt, coffee pot ready to be turned on, gym clothes in bag, huge binder with curriculum crap in bag. I walked into the living room shocked that Katie Couric, who I love as long as she's just doing the news (her jokes are terrible sometimes), was already on the TV. That's my cue to hurry up hurry up. So I run around unable to find my keys while all the other things I'd so carefully prepared laughed at me, but still managed to start my car so some of the heavy Cayce condensation can drip off enabling me to see. My coffee cup, this Walmart to go cheap-o version, starts leaking water. I filled it with coffee, it leaked water. Go figure. So that was a mess. Then with all those bags thrown over one shoulder I bang out the door and get in the car. I drive all the way down Pine street and think, Brrr, I want my coffee, reaching down to the cup holder to find it empty. So, I throw the car into reverse and back all the way back down Pine street. (Secretly, having a great time, but a little stressed b/c I was planning on being early to work!) I leave the car running in the middle of the road (fortunately I'd taken the car key off the ring) so I sprint inside (in my grown up shoes) and find my coffee cup sitting in the dark living room. Whew! I made it to school to find that the track coach put a White Knoll Track T-shirt in my box. He THINKS I'm coaching. HA! They aren't going to pay me extra though. Are you kidding??? That's his method of cohersion I guess.



Oh well...I've survived grumpy kids today, running into the little pull out thing on my desk, reading aloud, and the Xerox machine. It's a good day.

Feel the Sensation

I'm at school and wanted to get on here and whine about dump trucks. BUT, as I was coming to the dashboard page, the computer just went right to my blog. HOW DID IT KNOW WHO I WAS???? That's what I want to know. I never logged in. This is creepy.



So about dump trucks. In Cayce, on my drive to work each morning, I get behind a dump truck. We have this pesky yield sign/stop sign situation to pull through before we can really get on the big road and these dump trucks are so freakin slow. I timed it today. It took this dump truck 5 minutes to get through these two signs. And when I say dump truck, perhaps you are picturing an 18-wheeler. OH NO! They really are dump trucks. Picture a Tonka truck that is old and rusty. I swear I never saw these until I moved to Cayce, and they're out in high numbers. Where are they going I wonder. But you know how they sound, grinding their gears just trying to lurch forward. I know it's tough to drive such a ridiculous sized truck (big enough to need a ladder to get in the driver's seat), but it just amazes me at how poorly they're designed or something. I want them to go faster. I can't handle the sound they make choking on themselves through the yield sign which for them is a big stop sign. Ugh. It makes me cringe like crying children and alarms do.



I just ate goldfish and a york peppermint pattie. They spell patty with "ie" is that right??

Ontario, California

Who knew?



I start work again tomorrow. So, I went shopping today to celebrate. The limited had a sale; that was fun. I stood in line for 30 minutes. In front of me, a lady had her son. He was in a stroller and he kept pulling dollar bills out of his pocket. They were all crumpled up, and he would start crying when he looked at them. He'd hand them to his mom, and she would unfold them and give them back to him. He couldn't figure out how to change the state of a folded dollar bill! It was great. While his mom went to work on his dollars, meanwhile holding a stack of super cheap clothes under her arm, he would kick his little Timberland-ed feet up and hug himself. There was serious suspense. Would his dollars be OK?



I also hit the OH-SO semi annual sale at victoria's secret. There's just nothing like digging up to your elbows through bins of underpants with strangers. I stood in line there for another 3o minutes. This time a grown-up version of entertainment. This guy was talking to the whole crowd of women in a loud voice about how this girl beat him up.

"I was all sitting downtown at Sharkey's having a drink, and bam! this girl knocked me across the head."

"Wow!" I thought, "That must've sucked."

"Yea," he continued unfortunately, "She said she was pregnant with my kid. Nah, it wasn't mine, she was with this other guy, we stopped having sex 12 weeks ago!" He continued to exclaim similar statements, eventually rounding it all up with, "It was that other guy's kid."



Oh brother.



This comes AFTER a mom and daughter pair were behind me talking about how the daughter's husband said, "Go to Vickies (sp????) and just blow some money." So the mom kept bringing over weird lingerie that this daughter would not look good in. The classic line throughout the whole conversation about how to use garter belts was this: Mom says, "You know I can rinestone anything you want later." Does she have a machine to do this with???



People are just a riot.