Signs You're Losing It

Here are ten signs you are losing your mind if you are a person who has not been to work all week because of snow or ice or both.

1. You try to high-five the dog because three new Netflix movies came in the mail. Three! Even though, the movies include: Sherlock Holmes, Dinner for Schmucks, and The Hurt Locker. It doesn't matter. It could've been a documentary on how to raise a goat or make cheese from a goat or have a goat as a pet.

2. You think about this

every time your dog stretches and you shout, "Howl to the moon like you mean it!!!"

3. You actually consider ordering one of these because it looked so interesting in the checkout girl's hair at Target...the first place you went after three days of no human interaction other than your husband. You don't want to wear it really, but would just like to see what it would look like.

5. You go to Target to get hot chocolate and cookie dough. This is abnormal and stupid, but what else is there to do!?

6. You eat chocolate chip cookies for lunch.

7. You watch soap operas whose story lines you know nothing about and wonder the following: Why are they home in the middle of the day? Did the ground turn into an ice skating rink in their fake world too? If they are iced in, why are they dressed so fancy? Should I put shoulder pads on with these pjs I've been wearing for three days? Why do they act so surprised every time someone rings the doorbell? They weren't doing anything anyway. How do they know so many people either in jail or in the hospital? I currently know no one in either place. How does one come to own a perfume corporation? Do perfume corporations really have mad scientist labs and if they do, do the people working in them really wear white lab coats?

8. At 1:30, you decide to get in bed and read a book. At 5:00, you ask yourself, should I get up and pretend I've been doing stuff all day so that when my husband gets home he'll be fooled into thinking I'm not lazy? Then you realize you don't care and keep reading.

9. You consider doing homework for the grad class that should have started Tuesday. You are supposed to read...from a book. You find a pen and some little sticky note tabs and the book, take them all downstairs, put them on the coffee table, and watch them collect dust for two days. You say hi to them, ask them how they are, and feel sad when they don't answer, but yet still make you feel guilty for ignoring them. Then you remember, that's just part of being in grad school.

10. You get excited when the mailman brings a package to the door. Not because of the package, but because he rings the doorbell which makes the dogs go insane which makes you get to shout at them to be quiet, which you realize feels like you are back at work (if you are a teacher at least).