and the weeds are choking on the sun

Today I feel like an empty grocery store on a Saturday. It's parent conference day. It's almost 5 PM. So far no moms or dads have shown up. So, here I sit, in my little classroom playing on the computer, avoiding this ridiculous stack of papers that I should be grading. Poor kids, I'm such a slacker about grading. I keep saying, "Maybe tomorrow I'll have them done. Sorry, I havent had time blah blah blah." Today we were reading Romeo and Juliet and there's the part about the "quivering thighs and adjacent regions." We were reading the play aloud, taking turns being different characters and some kid reads about the thighs and I start laughing because it's funny right? They look up at me like I'M CRAZY for laughing. See, they don 't get it. So then I have to explain. Those of you who know me can picture this one. "OK guys, the thighs, see, they're quivering and then there's the regions adjacent to the thighs, and well I guess they're quivering too." At this point, a couple of them are giggling, but there's still the ones who have a look of complete confusion. It's hilarious. Then a kid was reading and pronounced "whore" as "war." That too made me laugh. I think he changed the pronunciation just to be polite. Such effort!

So there!

I'm back. I've stayed away for a few. Blog started getting harder. I don't have anything to say usually...why bore people with the mundane you know? I keep waiting for a moment that says, "Blog Me!" I've had none, which really just means that the past week has been calm. I was sick for a couple days. There's the excitement.



So to the mundane.



It's 8:10 in the AM and I'm still at mi casa drinking my 2nd cup of coffee, which is exciting I tell you. Normally, there are already 30 little monsters in my day at this point as I am usually just drinking my first and only cup of coffee from a travel cup that doesn't keep it warm for very long. I usually get sidetracked and end up with half a mug of cold coffee. gross. AND then the mug is metal so there's no nuking that one. So I dump it out.



However, today is a whole new experience. I got up at 7 and watched the Today show. Then I started getting ready and I still have a good 45 minutes to kill before I have to leave. I'm going to a conference today where I'll learn more about how to be an educator perhaps. It's all about English I...mmmm! It will probably be a lot of what I've already heard, but hopefully there will be some little pearl of wisdom. We'll see. I'm just hoping I get some free books. Everyone! Do a little Kris-gets-books prayer. Thanks.

Which came first, the music or the misery?

Name that movie.



Yesterday, I was dramatically marooned in my little house, forcefully situated by the treacherous ice on the walk out front and that deathly "black" ice that can jeer at you from below before sending your car in a spinning crash from the road into the bushes alongside in the ditch. And so it is...I watched a lot of TV and read a lot of this book, The Kite Runner. Good read though I feel it's lasting a long time; perhaps the wanted effect. I have a pile of boring quizzes to grade. I avoid them like the plague. There's a cliche perfectly on mark to describe how I feel about them. Maybe tomorrow I'll get to them. Maybe and perhaps.



Last night with Miss Parker, I brainstormed t-shirt ideas. She's good at making t-shirts. I like trying to think of things to put on them, and I have to say I'm proud of our efforts. We're coming up with a new CSI: Crime Scene Investigators series. CSI Alabama. In fact, to be a little more specific, Tagulu, AL. A real city, you ask? Of course it is a real city in the enigmatic minds of Parker and myself.



***Coming soon to a television near you: CSI: Tagulu, Alabama.***



It will be great. I'm trying to think of what the lighting effect for this spinoff should be. Which came first CSI Miami or NY? Because if you line those two up for a thoughtful comparison/contrast, you'll see that the NY show is very dark and gloomy, whereas the Miami flick is bright and sunny at all times. I beg to differ. I've been to both geographic locations and I have indeed found a glint of the hot stuff from above shining down in NYC, and in fact have seen a gloom-filled cloud pass by in Miami, or was that Orlando? Either way, what is the appropriate lighting for Alabama? If it was Oklahoma, perhaps there would always be a lurking tornado. But Alabama? If it were South Carolina, everyone would be damp from the humidity. Can't you see them now in their cool suits and perfectly fitting slacks, all a little drippy with flat or frizzy hair because of the incessant moisture that hangs around here. I love it. Alabama? Not sure, but I'm thinking. I'll figure this out yet.



The other t-shirt idea has to do with Lance Armstrong and his lovely bracelet fashion statement. While looking at Runner's World last night, I noticed Paula Radcliffe, famous marathoner who couldn't finish the 26 miles in Athens for the Olympics, but did redeem herself at the NYC Marathon. There's a great photo of her at the finish where she beat out a Kenyan favorite on the last 4oo. She's wearing her little runner outfit and there is Lance on her wrist. In this case, "What Would Lance Do?" Why, of course he would stay right with that Kenyan woman right up until the last little second, and then gracefully pull away to beat her in the end! And then, as the photo shows, he would hug the Kenyan woman. He would, and so Paula R. followed in his footsteps. I will not take credit for the What Would Lance Do? joke (the credit is owed elsewhere), but man do I love that one. Perfect. And I hope that Miss Parker will follow through by putting that on a shirt.



Version 1: Across the chest, WWLD? Across the back, Sheryl.



Version 2: Across the chest, WWLD? Across the back, Livestrong.



Personally, I'm all about version 1. If anyone copies this and makes a t-shirt and then makes 1000's or even a mere 5 bucks, I want a cut, perhaps just 10%, but you owe me.

Shingles

Last night while at Winn Dixie, the checkout lady smushed my tortillas. You know how they normally let the belt run and it magically stops before your food runs up over the scanner contraption. Well, this lady leaves the basket from the guy in front of me on the belt with the thing running, so I look up and his basket is tumbling back across my food and my tortillas were completely folded in half. I was alarmed. Then, the lady is talking to the guy about having a bad day or something and I hear her say, "That's an unusualality," possibly insinuating that such a word is real. Did she mean an "unusual actuality" or what?



Yesterday, I woke up 10 minutes before the alarm went off. I had a nightmare that I had to throw a car battery off the side of Lake Murray, which was huge swimming pool. Before swimming you had to throw this battery in the water with a rope tied to it. Then you were attached to it, and you jumped in after the battery and had to swim back up with this thing tied to you. I woke up thinking I was drowning to find that my head was underneath my pillow. That explains it.

www.blogget.com

What if blogger was called Blogget. I think I would like that.



I have absolutely nothing overly interesting going on. I went to sleep at 9:30 last night. That's it, that's all I've got. I feel great today as a result. Ummm, yep. That's it.

John Kerry Spotting in Spandex

Rob and I got up early for a bit of a dress rehearsal for next weekend's 5k. I'd say there was a bit of a good omen--I pulled up in front of Blatt PE Center and there was another guy out stretching before he ran. He was wearing a tshirt with the logo of next week's race. So I'm thinking it was a sign that Rob and I WON'T pass out mid-race, but actually might make it. :) We run over in Shandon (if you're not from the area, it looks like a neighborhood that could fall out of an issue of Southern Living or something). There's a guy we see every couple nights who rides his bike. He wears jeans and a grey sweatshirt, and he looks like John Kerry. Yesterday morning we're running, and we're at the point now where we don't talk much while we run, savoring our own O2 for ourselves. We pass another guy out running. He was wearing spandex and such. Rob says, "Was that John Kerry?" And I immediately replied, with a dramatic, "No! Kerry doesn't wear spandex." Now this might not be so amusing to others, but for some reason for me it's that silly humor. I of course was picturing THE John Kerry in spandex. I hear in real life, he rides a bike for exercise.

need a little cool whip, please

"If heaven were pie, it would be cherry." I heard that in a song this morning. Why not peach or apple? Why will heaven be like cherry pie? Why? I just don't understand music sometimes.



I tutored 6th graders today. They have really high-pitched voices and it makes me laugh. It's so easy to be "cool" to them too. While they did their homework, I let them listen to a CD that one kid who literally is only about 3.5 feet tall brought. That silly Redneck Woman song came on. I was pretending not to laugh at all of them mindlessly singing along while they did their dumb word search (WORD SEARCH, COME ON!!!) by grading papers. When she sings, blah blah blah "HELL YEA!" they mumbled it b/c they thought I might care. Then, there's the line blah blah blah damn blah blah something. I didn't look up, just kept grading then they were having one of those conversations as if I wasn't right there in the room with them. "She doesn't hear what it said." "No No, damn is in the Bible, so it's OK. She knows it OK." I just kept my head down low enough so they couldn't see the grin. They're so silly...and the squeaky mouse voices kill me.



The little 3.5 foot kid did the incredible today. I took them out to the rec field for a break and triple dog dared them to run around the field 3 times without stopping. I did it all b/c one kid really needs to get off the bench and run around b/c she eats too many Cheetos, and one kid was hyper so I wanted him to be all tuckered out. Well little 3.5 foot kid puts down his skittles and takes off running. He comes by me twice and on the third time rolls in on a nice solid finish. I was impressed. Cheeto kid sat on the bench, with an excuse of, "My mom doesn't want me to mess up my boots," which means "I'd die if I moved faster than a slug" and the hyper kid made it 3/4 of a lap before tripping, falling into a fence, and swallowing a bug. He wanted candy as a reward for the bug. He told me tarantulas taste good; they're meaty. Who knew?